Understanding what the underlying issues are behind your jealousy will be very important in learning to deal with it. There are three basic premises behind jealousy, emotions, fear and perception.
We would like to believe that jealousy is a separate emotion. Jealousy is to emotion, like black is to color, all encompassing. Jealousy will run the through all your feelings only to start all over again when you have reached the end. Anger, fear, hurt, anxiety, sadness, paranoia, and depression, envy, feelings of inadequacy and exclusion can all emerge, when you are faced with a situation that you feel threatened by.
It is important to understand that jealousy is about fear. Fear of the unknown and the new, of losing the power or control you felt in your relationship. Fear of being left out or abandoned by some one you thought loved you and your perception of the relationship.
I can’t give you a quick fix for this, no one can. It is something you and your partner need to be open and honest about with each other. In my experience I found it helped to identify what the cause of the jealousy was and why it made me jealous, it was usually because I was afraid of some part of my partners’ choices. Being open and able to discuss anything with my partner made it easy for me to discover what the root of the problem was. It still happens and it always will, dealing with it once doesn’t mean it can’t happen again but knowing that it can makes the next time easier for me.
When you find yourself getting jealous, ask yourself a couple of questions. What am I afraid of? What do I need to make me feel safe? What is the worst that could happen and what is the real possibility of it happening? With these you can start to help yourself work through your feelings of jealousy.
There are not real quick and easy answers to anything in this lifestyle. Having the basic tools helps though, and you will soon find jealousy is no longer a thing to be frightened of either.