Attending Your First BDSM Play Party?
You’ve been curious about going to a BDSM party for a while now. As it turns out this weekend you have a chance to go to one, but you don’t know what goes on and what is acceptable or not acceptable behaviour. You wonder what the standards and customs you need to be aware of before you attend. Suddenly, you are anxious and a bit scared.
Attending your first BDSM play party? We have you covered. Read on to learn all about the accepted standards and customs.
Where do I find a play BDSM party?
Finding a play party is obviously the first step to going to a play party. The easiest way is to look for a local kink group. Get acquainted and involved, join your local group and start networking, as these are the people that will put on a play party.
Don’t know much about your local kink group? In the age of Internet it can be pretty simple to find your local kink group. You can also join Fetlife, a kinkster social network, to find some of the groups that are nearest to you. If you feel that you need more choices do a Google search your local BDSM group it might lead to more results.
Once you’ve finished doing the search, you’ll come to realise that there are many types of BDSM parties. Larger types of parties, are almost all inclusive, as they are geared as look and feel party. They are more orientated to educate rather than solely play party. Obviously a great start for anyone who is dabbling into kink.
Smaller parties however, are designed for fun, for full kink play. Usually before you attend there are criterion you must meet to be able to attend. Which brings us to the next point.
What are the criterion or requirements to attend a play party?
Each group varies slightly with their requirements. If you chose to attend your local kink event, it’s important you ask or read about their requirements before you attend.
Some common requirements include attending several munches or an informal gathering for people interested in in BDSM scene, a chance to meet like minded people in a casual atmosphere. Another is being vetted by a current member, attending a new member orientation, or previously been an active member in another reputable kink group
Before you attend a party you will need an RSVP to the party after you have undergone the other prerequisites. You’ll have to give your real name and your scene name so it matches you ID at the door before you enter the party. Never show up to a play party uninvited, for everybody’s safety and privacy it’s utterly important to know who are the attendees.
What happens at a play party?
BDSM play parties are different from swinger’s parties for example. Most play parties full nudity and sexual penetration of any kind is not allowed. The activity at a play party is focused on the kinky side of things.
At the venue, you’ll see a lot of kinky furniture, such as spanking benches, or St. Andrew’s cross, gothic bondage chairs and fetish cabinet with toys. Anticipate loud music, sexy latex, PVC and leather outfits. You’ll witness people at the party enjoying spanking, flogging, rope bondage, suspension, electro-play, piercing and more
If you are a newbie someone will usher you through and explain some of the furniture and the activity happening at the party. There will be a person who is known as the ‘Dungeon Master/Moderator’ or “DM” for short. This person’s purpose at play parties is to ensure that things do not get out of hand. They rarely get involved as the safe words are used in play times to ensure everyone will have a great time.
The biggest worry most newbies will have is to be confronted with some heavy-duty play that is going to send them off running. Don’t worry about seeing anything intense. At most parties, any type of play that is graphic, such as any play that involves blood or bodily fluids, will usually be sectioned off in another area.
What to bring with you to the party
You can bring your own toys and restrains, change of clothing and shoes for ladies/gents who like to wear kinky shoes. Some people choose to put on their kinky clothes at the party venue. Last, don’t forget a photo id in order to get into the party.
It might be a good idea to check the rules of the party before you leave, some parties do not allow a mobile phone, some parties don’t allow alcohol, so check up on the rules.
What to wear!
The dress code will vary from one party to the other. Generally speaking most event parties will require you dress in plain/ normal clothes and get changed once at the venue. This way the location doesn’t attract any unwanted attention.
When it comes to your kinky outfit some parties may have some rules about what you are allowed to wear. Wearing fetish, kinky outfits keeps the atmosphere of the party true to the kinkster sex world – so be in the right mind frame and get creative to characterise your kink persona the best you can.
Most party invitations will have a clear description of what dress code to comply to. If you don’t have any kinky outfits in your wardrobe yet, don’t panic. You can wear regular lingerie or a pair of sexy underwear can function as kinky wear. You could add to your outfit you could bring a flogger, handcuffs, blindfold or a collar.
All is good and fun as long as you have everybody’s consent, so don’t just cheekily flag random bottoms at the party it might end in a sour note. This is not allowed.
What is allowed at a play party?
It might be a good idea to just absorb and enjoy the experience at your first party and not worry too much about playing. However, if you really feel ready, you need to know that before any play there is negotiations. First make mention that you are new to the scene as it helps your play partner ease you into some of the pleasure.
Then you need to discuss what you feel comfortable with, what are you limits, discuss if you are a sub or not. You should also disclose if you have any medical issues in case anything should go wrong and those around you can help you immediately by calling for professional help.
When you approach someone for a scene play and they say no, don’t be offended or take it personally, just move on politely. They may not play with people unless it was discussed before the party took place. Some partygoers discuss their desired play with others online, such as on Fetlife. Others are not very keen on playing in public
Can I talk at a party?
Of course you can. Most parties have a designated social area that’s away from the scene. Avoid talking near the scene, if you must talk do it quietly. It’s distracting to overhear people talk while you are trying to enjoy a spanking, it might throw people off the mood and mind space. So do all the talking in the social area.
Can I join in?
It’s best not to join unsolicited into a scene that is already in progress unless you are asked. You should never interrupt, stick to watching.
If someone who you watched in a scene turned you on, wait till the scene is over, give them some time to wind down, then approach them and ask about a possibility of playing with them.
