5 top misconceptions about kinks


Even if you think you’re not kinky, there’s a chance you do already indulge in some kinky sex without even realizing. Which by the way is perfectly normal, sexual fantasies allow us to explore our sexuality.

Kinky sex and kinks, in general, still remain not fully understood by mainstream. It still has a lot of negative connotations. With a majority of people keeping their kinks secret as they fear they would be shamed.

But fear not because whatever your sexual fantasy is, it’s probably not as out of ordinary as you might think. Or maybe you’re not into it yet, but admit it you’re just a little curious.

There is so much people still misunderstand about kinky sex. Here are the top 5 misconceptions.

1. Kinks are more common than we think

We all experience sex differently, and as such we expect to have different sexual triggers. A study in 2016, published in The Journal of Sex Research,found that 45.6 percent of people are interested in “at least one type of sexual behavior that is considered anomalous. Almost 50% of participants confirmed that they engaged in sexual behaviour that steps away from vanilla sex at least once in their live. This study confirms that kink is not as rare or uncommon as we think. It also confirms that most people will not talk about their kinks in fear of being shamed but that at some level enjoy some aspect of kinky sex.

2. Being kinky doesn’t mean you are always kinky….

Just because you enjoy kinky sex, it doesn’t mean this is all you enjoy. Often kinky sex is something you’re in the mood for in any particular day, but certainly doesn’t take over sex in general. Or for that matter, that kink needs to be there for you to enjoy sex.

This kind of thinking would be in the same line as saying that sex in missionary position is the only way you would enjoy it. Kinks, much like different positions, add a bit of variety and excitement to sex.

3. There nothing wrong with enjoying kink

There is nothing wrong with indulging in kink. Some people will make you think or feel that way, but it is out of ignorance and the general perception that those who engage in kink or fetish come from a ‘broken’ background. Enjoying kinky sex, BDSM or fetishes does not equate with being sexually broken, studies have found that practitioners are generally psychologically healthy.

A misconception that needs to be altered. Because there is no place to shame anyone for the things our bodies and minds enjoy in a consensual scenario.

4. Kinks & BDSM

BDSM, as well as all kinky behavior, are about playing by the rules in a consensual situation and, more than anything, communication. Communication that happens before play where limits are discussed and a safe word is agreed on.

A 2009 study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior showed that BDSM, kinky sex and fetishes can actually enhance overall well-being. Involvement in this type of sex helps improve communication, intimacy, fosters better mental health and encourages fidelity.

5. Kink & BDSM increase mindfulness

When you think of mindfulness and sex, you probably think of gentle ‘vanilla’ sex. Surprisingly, studies published in Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, kinks like BDSM make you far more mindful in bed than vanilla sex.

We are all wired differently in how we experience sex and how we express it. There is so much we all need to learn about our sexuality, but to start let us be more open to differences and as the saying goes:

‘To each their own’

Refrain from shaming or judging because you may not like or get a certain kink or fetish, but  that doesn’t make it invalid or wrong for that matter. As long as the kink or fetish is done in a consensual manner between adults. If you are not into it, that’s fine and fair, decline politely and move on without shaming.

Safe and fun play to all, because we all deserve to experience pleasure.


About Author

Tom has just started to listen to his call for writing and he’s very enthusiastic about sharing his views on sexuality, life, alternative expression and humour.

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